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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Everybody
Happy
Littles
Little
Needs
Something
Always
Pitch
Laughing

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
Chelsea Handler
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
Chelsea Handler
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I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
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