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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Would
Men
Sell
Sells
Dog
Never
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
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I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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