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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Sell
Sells
Dog
Never
Would
Men
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
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If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
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We women have to stick together.
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You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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