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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Bathroom
Michael
George
Humor
Funny
Men
Like
Cocky

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
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We women have to stick together.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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