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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Men
Like
Cocky
Bathroom
Michael
George
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
Chelsea Handler
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
Chelsea Handler
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
Chelsea Handler
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I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.
Chelsea Handler
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
Chelsea Handler
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
Chelsea Handler
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I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.
Chelsea Handler
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
Chelsea Handler
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
Chelsea Handler
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
Chelsea Handler
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
Chelsea Handler
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
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The important thing is to be drunk.
Chelsea Handler
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
Chelsea Handler
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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
Chelsea Handler