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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Mean
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Never
Nice
People
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Girl
Grade
Shows
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Girls

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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The important thing is to be drunk.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
Chelsea Handler
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Chelsea Handler
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
Chelsea Handler
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.
Chelsea Handler