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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
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Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
Chelsea Handler
Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
Chelsea Handler
Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
Chelsea Handler
Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
Chelsea Handler
Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
Chelsea Handler
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler
A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
Chelsea Handler
Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
Chelsea Handler
I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
Chelsea Handler
No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
Chelsea Handler
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
Chelsea Handler
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
Chelsea Handler
As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
Chelsea Handler
I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
Chelsea Handler
I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
Chelsea Handler
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
Chelsea Handler
When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
Chelsea Handler
