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Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Year
Dont
Funny
Six
Firsts
Works
First
Baby
Years
Months
Humor
Instead
Ready
Tattoo

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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
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You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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