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Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Years
Months
Humor
Instead
Ready
Tattoo
Year
Dont
Funny
Six
Firsts
Works
First
Baby

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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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