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If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Took
Humor
Funny
Someone
Letter
Letters

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
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I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
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It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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