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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Remember
Best
Barely
Sex
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
Chelsea Handler
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Chelsea Handler
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
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I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
Chelsea Handler
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
Chelsea Handler
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
Chelsea Handler
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
Chelsea Handler
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Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
Chelsea Handler
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According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
Chelsea Handler
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
Chelsea Handler
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
Chelsea Handler
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
Chelsea Handler
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
Chelsea Handler
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
Chelsea Handler
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
Chelsea Handler