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People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Ideas
Heavy
Drinkers
People
Girls
Yelling
Show
Openly
Fact
Confuse
Idea
Screaming
Girl
Discuss
Facts
Wasted
Vomiting
Shows
Drinking
Drinker

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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
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It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
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I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!
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No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
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I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
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