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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Work
Worker
Never
Normally
Would
Provide
Like
Workers
People
Television
Chance
Show
Shows

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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
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Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
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Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
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You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.
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