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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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Anything
Nipples
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Nudity
Men
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
The important thing is to be drunk.
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Chelsea Handler
Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
Chelsea Handler
I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
Chelsea Handler
I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
Chelsea Handler
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
Chelsea Handler
You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
Chelsea Handler
I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
Chelsea Handler
You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
Chelsea Handler
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
