Quote

I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.

Chelsea Handler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Ridiculous
Stupid
Says
Anything
Persons
Person
Take
Comedian
Seriously

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

Image
I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
Chelsea Handler
Image
You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!
Chelsea Handler
Image
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
Chelsea Handler
Image
First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
Chelsea Handler