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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Persons
Person
Take
Comedian
Seriously
Ridiculous
Stupid
Says
Anything

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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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