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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Take
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Really
Men
Ride
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World
Easy
People
Women
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
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Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
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I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
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I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler
If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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