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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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Men
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Women
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
Chelsea Handler
Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
Chelsea Handler
You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Chelsea Handler
For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
Chelsea Handler
You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
Chelsea Handler
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
Chelsea Handler
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Chelsea Handler
There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
Chelsea Handler
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
Chelsea Handler
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
Chelsea Handler
I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
Chelsea Handler
Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
Chelsea Handler
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
Chelsea Handler
They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
Chelsea Handler
To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
Chelsea Handler
Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
Chelsea Handler