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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Dog

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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The important thing is to be drunk.
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
Chelsea Handler
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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