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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Usually
Humor
Comedy
Since
Funny
Margarita
Make
Thursday
Tuesday
Exception
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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I want to start saying bad words all the time!
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
Chelsea Handler
