Quote

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Chelsea Handler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Exception
Usually
Humor
Comedy
Since
Funny
Margarita
Make
Thursday
Tuesday

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

Image
My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
Chelsea Handler
Image
There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
Chelsea Handler
Image
According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
Chelsea Handler
Image
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
Chelsea Handler
Image
For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
Chelsea Handler
Image
No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
Chelsea Handler
Image
If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
Chelsea Handler
Image
My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
Chelsea Handler
Image
Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
Chelsea Handler
Image
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
Chelsea Handler
Image
I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea Handler
Image
According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
Chelsea Handler