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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Tells
Capacity

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.
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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
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Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.
Chelsea Handler
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
Chelsea Handler
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
Chelsea Handler