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Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Thing
Awesome
Hilton
Pregnant
Hosts
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Nicole
Serving
Sushi
Paris
Mercury
Thanks
Shower
Baby
Showers
Women
Forbidden

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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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We women have to stick together.
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First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
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I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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