Quote

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Another
Heartache
Persons
Enduring
Person
Endure
Important
Anger
Even
Tough
Terrible
Focus
Vibrator
Times
Masturbation

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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
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I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
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We women have to stick together.
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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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