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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Voluptuous
Chelsea
Wonder
Sometimes
Thing
Good

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
Chelsea Handler
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I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
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