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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Thing
Good
Voluptuous
Chelsea
Wonder
Sometimes
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
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There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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