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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Gonna
Choose
Guy
Girl
Better
Make
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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
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He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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