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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Choose
Guy
Girl
Better
Make
Gonna

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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