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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Gonna
Choose
Guy
Girl
Better
Make

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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'
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Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
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