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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Always
Calories
Killer
Skinny
Killers
Testament
Burn
Psychos
Theory
Crazier
Women
Psycho
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
Chelsea Handler
Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
Chelsea Handler
Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Chelsea Handler
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
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