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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Important
Loudly
Laugh
Laughing
Often

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Chelsea Handler
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler
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There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
Chelsea Handler
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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
Chelsea Handler
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
Chelsea Handler
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
Chelsea Handler
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Chelsea Handler
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
Chelsea Handler
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
Chelsea Handler
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First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
Chelsea Handler
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
Chelsea Handler
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
Chelsea Handler
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
Chelsea Handler
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
Chelsea Handler
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
Chelsea Handler
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
Chelsea Handler