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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Thinking
Alcoholics
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Advanced
Beer
Drinking
Humor
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Drinker
Funny
Drinkers
Think
Alcoholic
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
Chelsea Handler
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
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I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
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The important thing is to be drunk.
Chelsea Handler
Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
Chelsea Handler
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
Chelsea Handler
I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
Chelsea Handler
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler