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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Word
Drinker
Funny
Drinkers
Think
Alcoholic
Thinking
Alcoholics
Like
Advanced
Beer
Drinking
Humor

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.
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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
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I want to start saying bad words all the time!
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea Handler
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It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
Chelsea Handler
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
Chelsea Handler