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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Quitters
Quitter
Explain
Friend

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
Chelsea Handler
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
Chelsea Handler
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
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