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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
High
Five
Funny
Makes
Undressed
Accents
Humor
Comedy
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
Chelsea Handler
You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
Chelsea Handler
I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
Chelsea Handler
According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
Chelsea Handler
Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
Chelsea Handler
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Chelsea Handler
We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
Chelsea Handler
People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.
Chelsea Handler
They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
Chelsea Handler
Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
Chelsea Handler
The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
Chelsea Handler
It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
Chelsea Handler
I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.
Chelsea Handler
I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
Chelsea Handler
The important thing is to be drunk.
Chelsea Handler
I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea Handler
Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
Chelsea Handler
I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
Chelsea Handler
There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
Chelsea Handler