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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Funny
House
Mentioning
Reason
Beware
Even
Cat
Never
Sign
Worth
Humor
Anyone
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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We women have to stick together.
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
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I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.
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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
Chelsea Handler
To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
Chelsea Handler
If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
Chelsea Handler
I want to start saying bad words all the time!
Chelsea Handler
