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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Economic
Provides
Lying
Tendency
Peace
Tendencies
Funny
Easily
Compulsively
Stories
Climate
Attainable
Mind
Sake
Portion
Make
Humor
Amusement
Good
Takes
Portions
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
Chelsea Handler
I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
Chelsea Handler
You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
Chelsea Handler
Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
Chelsea Handler
We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
Chelsea Handler
But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
Chelsea Handler
We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
Chelsea Handler
I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
Chelsea Handler
Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
Chelsea Handler
You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
Chelsea Handler
I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
Chelsea Handler
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
Chelsea Handler
