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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Funny
Around
Great
Sleeping
Way
Agree
Think
Meet
Thinking
Humor
People
Comedy
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
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Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
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I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
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