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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
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Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
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Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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We women have to stick together.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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