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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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Introduce
Funny
Introducing
Family
Obviously
Women
Relationship
Long
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I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.
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I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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