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He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Wings
Defending
Humor
Wing
Week
Factor
Days
Vacation
Funny
Laid
Pundit
President
Factors
Reilly
Political
Bush
Gusto
Right
Six
Pundits

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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
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I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
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I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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