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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
People
Alcohol
Drinking
Kinds
Drink
Trust
Stickers
Party
Sticker
Two
Chelsea
Kind
Collect

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You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.
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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
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