A time-tested political tactic guaranteed to raise a president's popularity rating by at least 30 points. It is especially useful during election years and economic downturns.

PATRIOTISM, n. 1) The inability to distinguish between the government and one's 'country' 2) A highly praiseworthy virtue characterized by the desire to dominate and kill 3) A feeling of exultation experienced when contemplating heaps of charred 'enemy' corpses 4) The first, last, and perennial refuge of scoundrels.

Jesus Christ: A common exclamation indicating surprise, disgust, anger or bewilderment.

Atheist n. A person to be pitied in that he is unable to believe things for which there is no evidence, and who has thus deprived himself of a convenient means of feeling superior to others.