Atheist n. A person to be pitied in that he is unable to believe things for which there is no evidence, and who has thus deprived himself of a convenient means of feeling superior to others.

Jesus Christ: A common exclamation indicating surprise, disgust, anger or bewilderment.

PATRIOTISM, n. 1) The inability to distinguish between the government and one's 'country' 2) A highly praiseworthy virtue characterized by the desire to dominate and kill 3) A feeling of exultation experienced when contemplating heaps of charred 'enemy' corpses 4) The first, last, and perennial refuge of scoundrels.

A time-tested political tactic guaranteed to raise a president's popularity rating by at least 30 points. It is especially useful during election years and economic downturns.