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Writing humor is not something every single person can do.

Celia Rivenbark

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Celia Rivenbark
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More quotes by Celia Rivenbark

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She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.
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Proper driving etiquette demands that you basically get close enough to a car in front of you at a busy intersection that it would mean that in certain third-world countries, or South Carolina, you would have to get married.
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I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words 'you guys'.
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Who can fail to mist at Fergie's anthem, 'My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.' Hmmm. 'My lunch, my lunch, I swear it's coming up.
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And I reminded myself that it's easy to be grateful for the obvious blessings in life, much harder to be grateful for the tough moments and the lessons they teach.
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I'm what is known as perimenopausal. Peri, some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE'.
Celia Rivenbark