I think of myself as kind of a hippy. Everyone around me says that's not the impression they get. They think I'm sassy. Apparently, I think I'm nicer than I really am.

I'm also the first straight woman to host this in 20 years, so, we finally made it, straight people.

Let's give it up for the Secret Service. I don't want to be too hard on those guys. You know, because they're the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot.

Feels right to have a woman follow President Obama, doesn't it?

Hillary has her work cut out for her. Her Democratic challengers are a 'Who's Who' of 'who's that?' Jim Webb, Lincoln Chafee, Silas Phelps, Peter Wilks... now those last two were characters from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. You didn't even notice, did you?

You have to put work into relationships to keep them fun.

The founders of Snapchat last year turned down a $3 billion offer from Facebook and a $4 billion offer from Google. It was a surprising show of integrity from the guys who invented the app that lets you look at pictures of boobs for five seconds.

People have confused playing devil's advocate with being intelligent.

Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.

There's so much more bad information than good information out there - everybody's got something to say and it's usually wrong.

Paris is so beautiful. Mr. President, you should really think about going there sometime.

I went [to Hobby Lobby] this morning and bought the cutest little wicker basket to hold all my morning-after pills.