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Then I overdosed at 28, at which point I began to accept the bipolar diagnosis.
Carrie Fisher
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Carrie Fisher
Age: 60 †
Born: 1956
Born: October 21
Died: 2016
Died: December 27
Actress
Film Actor
Film Producer
Novelist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Script Doctor
Singer
Spokesperson
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Burbank
California
Carrie Frances Fisher
Bipolar
Diagnosis
Began
Accept
Accepting
Point
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You know how they say that religion is the opiate of the masses? Well I took masses of opiates religiously.
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I've got to stop getting obsessed with human beings and fall in love with a chair. Chairs have everything human beings have to offer, and less, which is obviously what I need. Less emotional feedback, less warmth, less approval, less patience and less response. The less the merrier. Chairs it is. I must furnish my heart with feelings for furniture.
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I have a second dog, too, mainly for security.
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I just admire my mother very much.
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I was born imagining myself with an apron on, with pies cooling on the window sill and babies crying upstairs. I thought that all that stuff would somehow anchor me to the planet, that it was the weight I needed to keep from just flying off into space.
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I feel so agitated all the time, like a hamster in search of a wheel.
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Don't you see? We've become smart enough to justify stupid behavior. Like, 'I'm angry at him and I didn't express it, so I turned my anger inward and now it's depression, so in order to feel good again, what I should do is call him and express my anger.' It's like, if we can make it sound smart enough, we're allowed to do stupid things.
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I always think of Meryl [Streep] for everything now. There really aren't many actresses around who are truly lucid the way she is.
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A lot of people have told me, you know, that what I've written about, they identify with strongly.
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I always felt the Jewish part more. In fact, growing up I felt like a Jew among WASPs. My brother is more decidedly Waspy.
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In my opinion, a problem derails your life and an inconvenience is not being able to get a nice seat on the un-derailed train.
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I mean, that's at least in part why I ingested chemical waste - it was a kind of desire to abbreviate myself. To present the CliffNotes of the emotional me, as opposed to the twelve-column read.
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I like that - the you-ish character.
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I was telling some people in my dressing room some of my other stories, my psychotic break, and blah, blah, blah, and no, they kind of look at you and it's just not what they wanted to hear.
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Until adolescence I thought I had the best mother in the world. Such a graceful mother. I had this fantasy that I was the wrong daughter.
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I will usually be in denial about that, too, because I really don't like that. Sometimes I will recognize it and sometimes someone will say, are you okay? And then you think, Oh, maybe I'm not.
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What worries me is, what if this guy is really the one for me and I just haven't had enough therapy yet for me to be comfortable with having found him.
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My mom is a little bit eccentric. I mean, she does - she has a lot of unique ideas. For example, she thought that I should have a child with her last husband, Richard, because it would have nice eyes.
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Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line.
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I went to a doctor and told him I felt normal on acid, that I was a light bulb in a world of moths. That is what the manic state is like.
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