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To recommend that women become identical to men, would be simple reversal, and would defeat the whole point of androgyny, and for that matter, feminism: in both, the whole point is choice.

Carolyn Heilbrun

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Carolyn Heilbrun
Women
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You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.
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Everyone likes to talk shop, which is the most interesting talk in the world, in the beginning.
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The journey is over. Love to all.
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The compulsion to find a lover and husband in a single person has doomed more women to misery than any other illusion.
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Ideas move fast when their time comes.
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I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal of marriage. Away from home for both, then together, that's much better.
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It's hard to be happy, and safe, and applauded in a miserable world.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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Whether animals admit it or not, they and I communicate.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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Once you are thought selfish, not only are you forgiven a life designed mainly to suit yourself, which in anyone else would appear monstrous, but if an impulse to generosity should by chance overpower you, you will get five times the credit of some poor selfless soul who has been oozing kindness for years.
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Power is the ability to take one's place in whatever discourse is essential to action and the right to have one's part matter.
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Upon becoming fifty the one thing you can't afford is habit.
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Ardent, intelligent, sweet, sensitive, cultivated, erudite. These are the adjectives of praise in an androgynous world. Those who consider them epithets of shame or folly ought not to be trusted with leadership, for they will be men hot for power and revenge, certain of right and wrong.
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Shifting problems is the first rule for a long and pleasant life.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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As long as women are isolated one from the other, not allowed to offer other women the most personal accounts of their lives, they will not be part of any narratives of their own…women will be staving off destiny and not inviting or inventing or controlling it.
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The sign of a good marriage is that everything is debatable and challenged nothing is turned into law or policy. The rules, if any, are known only to the two players, who seek no public trophies.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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. . . a relationship has a momentum, it must change and develop, and will tend to move toward the point of greatest commitment.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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Quoting, like smoking, is a dirty habit to which I am devoted.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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... success always worries academics, when it moves into the popular world.
Carolyn Heilbrun
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What marks a writer is this: until she - or he, of course - writes down whatever happened, turns it into a story, it hasn't really happened, it hasn't shape, form, reality.
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