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Oh my God, Kennedy Airport - what a mess - all over you with those dopey security questions. 'Did you receive any gifts from any unknown persons?' Buddy, the last thing I got from an unknown person was in the 80's.

Carol Leifer

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Carol Leifer
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: July 27
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
East Williston
New York
Person
Unknown
Thing
Receive
Mess
Dopey
Questions
Airport
Security
Kennedy
Lasts
Airports
Last
Buddy
Persons
Gifts

More quotes by Carol Leifer

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I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.
Carol Leifer
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I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.
Carol Leifer
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Carol Leifer
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My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
Carol Leifer
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My father was a huge influence on me.
Carol Leifer
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It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
Carol Leifer
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All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.
Carol Leifer
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My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
Carol Leifer
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Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, Is someone sitting there? just say, No one except the Lord.
Carol Leifer
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Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
Carol Leifer
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I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.
Carol Leifer
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I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience it's called 'Tester.
Carol Leifer
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I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.
Carol Leifer
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Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.
Carol Leifer
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I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.
Carol Leifer
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Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.
Carol Leifer
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Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.
Carol Leifer
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Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.
Carol Leifer
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Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.
Carol Leifer
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Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
Carol Leifer