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I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.
Carlos Mencia
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Carlos Mencia
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 22
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Ned Arnel Mencía
Ned Mencía
Carlos Mencía
Ned Holness
Ned Arnel Mencia
Swim
Shape
Shapes
Water
America
Cubans
Back
Cuban
Miami
Cuba
More quotes by Carlos Mencia
I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.
Carlos Mencia
It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.
Carlos Mencia
Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?
Carlos Mencia
I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
Carlos Mencia
Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.
Carlos Mencia
And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
Carlos Mencia
If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!
Carlos Mencia
When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.
Carlos Mencia
When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know you're funny on the inside. Then you don't have to prove it to anybody else anymore. That's when you become different and that's when you evolved onto a completely different level, because you know who you are.
Carlos Mencia
The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
Carlos Mencia
When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.
Carlos Mencia
When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it. The amount of money that I would have to put down now to get that rush, there is no f'ing way I'm going to do it. It's just stupid. I would rather get that rush some other way.
Carlos Mencia
Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.
Carlos Mencia
When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
Carlos Mencia
Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.
Carlos Mencia
Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.
Carlos Mencia
Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.
Carlos Mencia
If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.
Carlos Mencia
Do not encourage my behaviour.
Carlos Mencia
Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
Carlos Mencia
