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I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

Carlos Mencia

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Carlos Mencia
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 22
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Ned Arnel Mencía
Ned Mencía
Carlos Mencía
Ned Holness
Ned Arnel Mencia
Shape
Shapes
Water
America
Cubans
Back
Cuban
Miami
Cuba
Swim

More quotes by Carlos Mencia

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Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.
Carlos Mencia
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We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.
Carlos Mencia
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Do not encourage my behaviour.
Carlos Mencia
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And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
Carlos Mencia
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It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.
Carlos Mencia
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I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.
Carlos Mencia
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Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.
Carlos Mencia
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In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.
Carlos Mencia
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The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
Carlos Mencia
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Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.
Carlos Mencia
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When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.
Carlos Mencia
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Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
Carlos Mencia
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We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?
Carlos Mencia
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If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!
Carlos Mencia
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When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.
Carlos Mencia
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When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
Carlos Mencia
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I never, nor will I, put another person down to feel better about myself. I will live and die by what I do, not what anyone else thinks about me.
Carlos Mencia
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When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it. The amount of money that I would have to put down now to get that rush, there is no f'ing way I'm going to do it. It's just stupid. I would rather get that rush some other way.
Carlos Mencia
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I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.
Carlos Mencia
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Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.
Carlos Mencia