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When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!

Carlos Mencia

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Carlos Mencia
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 22
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Ned Arnel Mencía
Ned Mencía
Carlos Mencía
Ned Holness
Ned Arnel Mencia
Liberal
Conservative
Daughter
Comes

More quotes by Carlos Mencia

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It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.
Carlos Mencia
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I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.
Carlos Mencia
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I never, nor will I, put another person down to feel better about myself. I will live and die by what I do, not what anyone else thinks about me.
Carlos Mencia
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And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
Carlos Mencia
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Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?
Carlos Mencia
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Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
Carlos Mencia
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When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.
Carlos Mencia
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If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!
Carlos Mencia
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We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.
Carlos Mencia
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When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it. The amount of money that I would have to put down now to get that rush, there is no f'ing way I'm going to do it. It's just stupid. I would rather get that rush some other way.
Carlos Mencia
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Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.
Carlos Mencia
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We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?
Carlos Mencia
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When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.
Carlos Mencia
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I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.
Carlos Mencia
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At the end of the day, I don't think I am going to be judged by what happened in the 90's and 2000's, at the end of the day my career will be judged from beginning to end and everything in between.
Carlos Mencia
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Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.
Carlos Mencia
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Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.
Carlos Mencia
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I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.
Carlos Mencia
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I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
Carlos Mencia
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Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.
Carlos Mencia