People often say that writing is ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration. This is nonsense, of course. It's pretty much one hundred percent caffeine.

Wendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, I've got herpes. I thought you should know.

When a girl says, 'I can't believe I'm doing this!' just know that she had it planned from the minute she shaved

Love is pretty much a decision anyway. Just like happiness. You can decide to either love someone or not, be happy or not. The rest is just commitment to the idea.

People can be taught to hate. And people can be taught to spell. But apparently, it's one or the other.

You need a little bit of the crazy to keep things fun.

Don't sit back and be a bystander of your own life

Someone once said, People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They forgot one other option: Some people come only to give us their contact information, let us know that we really need to get together sometime, and why don’t we give them a call?

you can have one of mine, he says. i'll yank one out right now. no, that won't count. It has to be the lash that naturally falls out. He gets on his knees and starts looking for my lash.

Believing there's no such thing as luck is very unlucky. Like, the worst. Beyond stealing someone's lucky four-leaf clover.