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As part of my research for An Anthology of Authors' Atrocity Stories About Publishers, I conducted a study (employing my usual controls) that showed the average shelf life of a trade book to be somewhere between milk and yoghurt.

Calvin Trillin

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Calvin Trillin
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 5
Journalist
Novelist
Poet
Kansas City
Missouri
Calvin Marshall Trillin
Book
Usual
Shelf
Life
Somewhere
Atrocities
Average
Controls
Trade
Shelves
Research
Publishers
Atrocity
Study
Authors
Anthology
Stories
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Employing
Part
Milk
Conducted

More quotes by Calvin Trillin

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Everybody is who he was in high school.
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The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
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I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.
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I've decided to skip 'holistic'. I don't know what it means, and I don't want to know. That may seem extreme, but I followed the same strategy toward 'Gestalt' and the 'Twist', and lived to tell the tale.
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If Lincoln freed the slaves and preserved the Union, how come 'Lincolnesque' just means tall?
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Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.
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Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.
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Before I was born [my father] wanted me to go specifically to Yale, which he thought would help. It was easy for him to think I could be president: he didn't have to worry about being president himself, being ineligible because he wasn't born in the United States.
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Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.
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Why in the world are you a Republican?
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In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.
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I do remember in high school I wanted to be a disc jockey.
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Law professors were never like economics professors, a Harvard Law professor told me. If you disagreed with someone, you didn't call him a fool.
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There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.
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When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.
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It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.
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Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.
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When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.
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Taking pleasure in the dark side may be some sort of occupational hazard for reporters.
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If bumblebee leavings and stump paste are so good for you, why can't any of those guys (in the health stores) grow full beards?
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